i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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