chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
