I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
