Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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