so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
that is very illegal...i love you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
