dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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