Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
