This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize