mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
im holly from the hills drunk
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
