would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
