I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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