is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
