Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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