yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
50% drunk capacity currently
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
