i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
why do cheetos always look like penises
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
