dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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