How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
