well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
