If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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