just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize