I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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