dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
