Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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