two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
