I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
