I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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