I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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