my mouth tastes like poor choices
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I didn't notice because vodka
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
