i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You have to summon your inner elephant
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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