i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
