You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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