Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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