Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
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