apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
This is classic penis vs brain.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
