God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
