Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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