does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
