You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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