I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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