I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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