He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
