those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
