mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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