i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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