does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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