do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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