Don't you send me to vm
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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