Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
