I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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