I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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