On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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