Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
