Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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