oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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