I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
