can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
