I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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