shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
