There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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