I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize