we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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