that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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