am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
