I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
