If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
