No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
