So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
