So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
