I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
