Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Someone came in the potted fern
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
