I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize