I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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