I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
