Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
