You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
