if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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