A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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