you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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