You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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